Lynn Hoppes’ Baseball Memorabilia CornerPosted 15 April 2011 by Clark Addison
On the heels of his wildly successful and in no way embarrassing look at the pop culture goodies inside his office, ESPN’s director of Page 2, Lynn Hoppes, comes to NoPepper to present Lynn Hoppes’ Baseball Memorabilia Corner.
Hey there, bros. Lynn Hoppes here from my Page 2 mancave in Bristol. And boy, you’re all in for a treat today. Not only do you get to spend some time with me, but I’ll show you some of the stuff my friends from around Major League Baseball have given me throughout the years. So here we go …
*Brushes mousse into immaculate coif*
Up first is some chin hair given to me by Cardinals closer Ryan Franklin. Ryan’s a good guy. He was looking for a way to look intimidating to opposing batters, so I told him he should grow that awesome goatee. I also gave him some pointers on how to sculpt it. I’ve found dolphin semen works best.
And here’s a used condom Barry Zito gave me after an all-night session with his ex, Alyssa Milano. A lot of people don’t know I introduced them. Shame it didn’t work out. But Barry’s a cool dude.
Now we come to a picture many of you have seen often, but it’s extra-special to me. Here’s a shot of Nolan Ryan beating up Robin Ventura. It’s one of the most famous fights in MLB history, but here’s an interesting fact: That fight only happened because I told Robin that Nolan was spreading rumors about him and Ron Kittle. Robin was NOT happy when he found out I was totally kidding. But it’s cool. We’re still buds.
And finally, it’s the crown jewel of my collection. Now why is this card so important to me, since a lot of people have it? What people don’t know is that Billy and I became best friends after an interview back in the late-’80s. I remember the day we met like it was yesterday. Fleer was in town doing a photo shoot, and I came up to Billy to ask him some questions. Our conversation was awesome. I could totally tell Billy and I connected, so I asked him if he wanted to get a drink after that night’s game. He smiled and said he was going to write me a message on the bottom of his bat. He never showed up for that drink, but that’s OK. He’s still my bro.
That’s all for this installment of Lynn Hoppes’ Baseball Memorabilia Corner. I’m Lynn Hoppes, and I’m awesome. And don’t forget to catch my major motion picture debut alongside Hugh Jackman. It’s called “Real Steel,” and it’s dropping this fall. Hoppes out.